February of 2020 I decided to embark on a journey, one that I continue to traverse. The journey is becoming the nicest person I know...to myself! Let me explain.
Often at the end of my conversations, people will express feeling relief, calm, uplifted, a confidence boost, &/or a sense of peace. I am honored to be able to pour into others in this way.
When people would tell me “you are so nice”, I would ask myself, “am I really though?” This is the point where I became aware of the dissonance between my internal and external self. The way I treated myself was not in alignment with the ways I treated others. I realized the culprit was the Inner Critic.
The inner critic was preventing me from extending the same compassion, understanding, words of encouragement, etc, that I was easily providing others. I realized it was possible for me to be that same person for myself. This is what prompted the NICE framework, Neutralizing the Inner Critic Effect while I practiced being more N.I.C.E to myself.
I created ground rules for this journey. First, Can’t is a word that I aimed to remove from my self-talk vocabulary. For example, if something seems like it is not within the realm of possibility at that moment, it does not mean that I can’t altogether do or accomplish whatever it may be. Instead, I chose to consider what is needed or missing. Perhaps I may need another connection or more time to learn, practice, or perhaps some more patience.
The second rule was to stop “should-ing” on myself. The ‘I should have done this’, or ‘I should have done that’ types of thoughts, just add to the shaming influence of the Inner Critic. Instead, I chose to commit to practice compassion for my past and present selves, determined to learn from any and every experience.
The third rule was “No insults” and the fourth “No name-calling.” I acknowledge that my self-talk at the time kept any self-inflicted insults or name-calling at a minimum. That being said, I still wasn’t motivating myself or pouring into myself the way I would for others.
My next step was to actually be N.I.C.E. I dove into Nurturing self-talk, enhancing my Integrity, practicing compassion towards myself, and tuning into my emotional intelligence. Well, what does this all mean? How can it help you? Keep an eye out for my next post where I delve into the essence of what each step of NICE meant for me and how you can adapt and apply it in your own life.