The inner critic is a human phenomenon. It is a thought-form. The fact that there are millions of humans on this planet that experience the inner critic effect, having the same types of thoughts, and getting stuck in the same emotional states suggests that this is something beyond an individual. It is important to note that the inner critic is NOT tied to your identity. It does not have to override the way you think and feel about yourself.
The big distinction that I want to make clear is that the inner critic is NOT YOU. Today I will share a metaphor I used with a client that will help you differentiate yourself from the inner critic. For this exercise you will need a tissue box.
Imagine that you are the box itself, the vessel. You are the one that experiences, feels, and hears thoughts and/or emotions.
All of the thoughts, the experiences, the history, all of this ‘stuff’ is represented by the tissues inside of the box. All of the above, the tissues, influence you because you can feel heavy and you can feel light based on what you experience and/or what is inside the box. However, the stuff, the tissues are not who you are. Whether the tissues are in the box or not, the box is still the box, you are still you. You are the one that experiences, the one that holds, the one that observes, this is who you are.
What are some thoughts that you hear on repeat in your mind? A common inner critic thought is, “I’m not good enough”. Is this a thought that you’ve heard repeating in your mind? Are those types of thoughts coming from your authentic self, your core? Or are they the echoes of other people and experiences in your life?
We all have thoughts about our life experiences. Our traumas, betrayals, experiences of infidelity, rejections, all have an impact on us. If we are not vigilant and intentional about how we make meaning of those experiences they can haunt and debilitate us through the filter of the inner critic. We have many experiences, thoughts, messages, “tissues” that get stuffed into our being or “the box”. We sometimes focus so much of our attention on certain moments and/or thoughts that we start to confuse them for who we are. That is how the inner critic begins to dominate our sense of self. However we are capable of reclaiming our seat of awareness and influencing the way our neurons fire and wire.
In the next blog post I will share an in session ah-ha moment a client had while using this tissue box exercise. A moment in which the difference between himself and the inner critic came into clear focus. Be sure to come back to learn how he uncovered the difference.
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