I felt a lull
a drain in my energy
I was losing my spark
I kept misplacing my dazzle
I felt muted…
I could not see the stars in the night.
Rest is what I wanted
Rest is what I got
and still
The desire for rest was never satisfied
I was looking for the elusive stars in the night.
I didn’t feel myself
I wasn’t keeping my commitments
I began to shrink back.
All I wanted was sleep and rest
Where are these stars in the night?
My dreams were becoming more vivid and odd
My mood was shifting
I felt more somber
My body felt heavy
I longed for a shining star in the night
I no longer liked my favorite foods
All I wanted was rest
I felt tired, tired of feeling tired
I asked: what is wrong? What is happening? Why do I feel so off?
I answered: take your own advice.
Seek support
Even though its not that bad
Even though you’ve been through worse
Even though you are still productive at work
Even though you are still able to teach the children
Even though your checking the important boxes
Seek support.
Allow a professional to help yo identify the root cause and find the stars in the night.
I did
I was diagnosed with…AUP
An Unexpected Pregnancy.
The star I was looking for was already within
I never lost my spark, it was being used to create another
I didn’t feel myself because I was literally expanding
I wasn’t shrinking back, I was pulling myself inward to create new life
I wasn’t oversleeping. I was appropriately recharging my life bearing vessel
The night I was experiencing was noticing the portal I am becoming for another star to soon shine through.
Once again, I see stars in the night.
a written piece by Dr. María Mercedes Dominguez in honor of maternal mental health awareness month.